#i cant even complain because its so petty. but i had a PLAN and now its ruined

[lokh]

wheres that post about autistic rage. augh

[6mayhem]

but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture

[delimeful]

you cant go back (2)

warnings: fear, miscommunication, guilt, mentions of theoretical gore/injury, dehumanization, referring to a person as 'it', general angst

-

For the fourth day in a row, Lady Macbeth had spurned him.

Roman frowned, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his head and tossing it over the back of a kitchen chair.

Lady was old, smug, and occasionally very cranky, but she wasn’t deaf like Ophelia-- she always came prancing over once she heard his keys rattling in the lock, delighted at the opportunity to smear cat hair all over his pants and get her claws stuck in his shoelaces.

Yet here he stood, catless.

For the past few days, too, she hadn’t been in the house at all when he got home. He’d been downright worried that first day, uneasy until she strolled back in at dusk.

They had an expansive backyard that their younger cats took delight in frolicking in, but their second-oldest cat was a rare visitor to the outdoors. Lady was first and foremost a homebody, and she preferred a warm body to sit on. Their squishy heat-generating human bodies were the only reason she hadn’t assassinated them all in their sleep by now, according to--

Roman cut the thought off sharply, feeling familiar grief pit up in his throat. He shook his head, the motion harsh enough to make his neck twinge. There was no time for standing about and pondering! He had a cat to locate!

A determined jut to his chin, he grabbed what supplies he would need for this perilous journey-- cat treats, a catnip toy, even a tempting cardboard box-- and strode confidently out the backdoor.

For the next half-hour, he wandered around the acres of their property, greeting each of the goats and chickens by name as he checked all the most common cat hidey-holes.

He’d almost given up by the time he stumbled across the old barn, pant legs covered in burrs and the beginnings of a sunburn across the back of his neck. Whatever delightful cat secrets Lady was so busy with, surely he could discover them when it wasn’t the middle of summer.

Just before he could turn around, though, he noticed that one of the doors was just slightly ajar.

Roman felt his brow gradually scrunch up the longer he stared at it. It had been locked up after the last of the old supplies had been moved from it, hadn’t it? The last big storm had proved it wasn’t weather-worthy, his dad had plans to take it apart for timber, ones that had seemingly been forgotten after… afterwards.

Petty inconveniences of getting there forgotten, Roman crept closer on light feet, grip tight on the catnip mouse in his hand. The wind died down at an eerily perfect moment, and he strained to hear beyond those old wooden walls.

Not everything is a grand conspiracy, a voice in his head reminded him, sounding suspiciously similar to Specs, it could simply be someone without housing that took the opportunity for shelter provided by the abandoned barn.

Roman sidled halfway through the ajar door, and froze at the sight of an upright humanoid figure only a few meters away. Something about it wasn't right, instantly putting him on edge. He kept staring, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

(“I’m telling you, these lights were strange even by my standards! Almost… alien.” An unsettling grin that was a beat late.)

The figure’s head was dropped forward, but he could tell even from this distance that it wasn’t human, with shiny purple-grey segmented skin and legs with knees facing the wrong way. It had spiky shoulder joints, but its arms seemed to be tucked behind it.

(Roman had shoved him off the couch, sour about being taken in by one of his tales, and he hadn’t brought it up again.)

Most alarming of all, there were four long, spindly limbs stretched out into the air behind it, seemingly spawning from its back. The legs were spider-like in nature, but shiny instead of hairy, and each one ended in a sharp point. As he watched, he could see the limbs shifting slowly, pairs of them lifting and falling in odd synchrony with the creature’s slow breathing.

(Roman had been freaked out, and his brother had dropped the subject. He should’ve asked, he should have known something was wrong--)

“Miaow.” A plaintive voice called, nearly startling Roman out of his skin.

He tore his gaze away from the (alien) mystery intruder, and felt his jaw drop as he took in Lady Macbeth’s current position. Loafing on the feet of an insidious intruder?!

For shame, he mouthed silently at her.

Lady blinked slowly and continued to purr, unbothered by his accusatory stare. One of those spider limbs shifted again, making Roman swallow nervously. He really didn’t want to see what sort of automatic reaction an extraterrestrial’s stabby-arms would have to finding a cat in its space.

He waved the catnip mouse enticingly. Lady gave him the bland look of a cat who had preferred those expensive feather toys for as long as he had known her. Roman resisted the urge to facepalm.

The insanely dangerous method it was, then.

Putting all his sneaking skills to use, he sidled further into the barn, dropping into a crouch and beginning to creep across the dirt floor as slowly as possible. Each step was carefully placed, almost entirely silent, and whenever those freaky appendages twitched, he froze in place for a full thirty seconds.

The alien’s head remained lax (asleep?) as he drew closer, but Lady refused to entertain his desperate motions for her to leave her ill-chosen bed. At this rate, he’d have to pick her up off of it, and hope that she didn’t complain too much on the way out.

He shifted his weight forwards, and suddenly all four of the arms were still, almost taut in the air. Only a couple feet away, the alien’s head bobbed slightly. His time was up.

Clenching his teeth, Roman made a gamble.

He tossed the little mouse toy directly at the space above the alien’s head and dove for Lady.

There was a whistle, like a whip or an arrow sliding through the air, and Roman made the mistake of glancing up as soon as he had his hands securely around Lady’s body.

All four of the spider limbs had jabbed into the same point, skewering the toy from several different angles. The alien was certainly awake now, and it had four times as many eyes as any one person could reasonably need. Between one heartbeat and the next, those huge dark irises went from staring at the poor mutilated toy to staring at Roman.

Terror shot through him and he gave up on subtlety, throwing himself back as hard as he could and hoping that he made it out of range.

He landed on his back with a whomp that knocked the wind out of him, and flinched as that terrifying whistling sound split the air again, ending in a muted thump. He was so wired with adrenaline that he couldn’t tell if he’d been hit or not. Locked in his arms, Lady writhed and complained loudly.

“Not going anywhere,” Roman wheezed, “you little fiend, con-- consorting with the enemy.”

There were several more whistle-thumps, which was either very good or very bad for him. He rolled to his side, pushing himself up on an elbow and taking stock of himself, braced for the worst.

The alien was still standing there against the central support beam of the barn. Half a foot from Roman’s leg, it's very sharp extra arms had left holes pierced in the hard-packed dirt of the barn’s floor.

“But no holes in me,” Roman cheered weakly, and then shifted Lady to the crook of one arm and flipped the alien off. “Nice try, Space Invader.”

The alien made a deep clicking rumble, but stopped trying to impale him. Instead, it moved to hold all those limbs high up in the air menacingly, ready to stab down at any point. The remains of the toy mouse sat near its feet, cotton innards spilling everywhere like a grim warning.

Roman got to his own feet, wincing at the feeling of Lady’s claws poking into his ribs as she attempted to kick her way to freedom. He took a moment to stare once he was back upright.

The alien’s skin plates had gone completely pitch-black, only the slightest hints of purple between the plates to prove that there’d ever been any color to it at all. Roman was abruptly glad that he hadn’t encountered it in the dark of night.

Its eyes were just as dark, with only the slightest difference in shades of black to indicate the difference between iris and sclera. Despite his artistic eye for color differences, even Roman couldn’t tell where its pupils were. If it even had pupils.

It also was still stuck in one place, despite its legs seeming totally operational. Roman slowly shuffled to the side of it, making sure to keep a few good steps clear of stabbing range, and found that it did in fact have normal arms and hands.

Well. Mostly normal. There were five fingers, but they were all way too long and ended in thick, claw-like points. He thought they also maybe had one or two too many joints.

More to the point, the alien couldn’t do anything with these arms because they were bound together at the wrists and tied tightly to the central support beam of the barn. It was stuck there, and going by the aggressive rumbling it was doing, it knew it.

Roman pulled out his phone and managed to take a shaky video of the alien, circling around it to both get a better angle and prompt it to threateningly twitch those back limbs some more. He knew his sci fi tropes, including the one where the alien mysteriously disappears the moment the plucky protagonist tries to tell anyone about the danger. He wasn’t going to be called crazy again.

Once he was content with the amount of evidence he had, he made the trek back to the house at a near-sprint, the cat in his arms protesting all the way. He burst through the back door, letting the screen fall shut behind him, and finally allowed Lady to walk on the power of her own four paws. She beelined for the screen door, stood up on her hind legs, and rattled it expectantly.

“Absolutely not,” Roman told her firmly, nudging her away. “I don’t know what it is with you and courting death via Xenomorph, but you are henceforth banned from the outdoors.”

If angry little kitty looks could kill, Roman would be as dead as King Duncan.

Shaking his head, he went over to the ancient landline phone in their kitchen, lifted the phone from its cradle, and paused.

Who was he going to call?

He’d had some half-conceived notion of calling his parents, or that infuriating police officer, or even just 911. What would he even say? ‘Hello operator, my emergency is that I have an alien in my barn, I promise this isn’t a prank’? Even the dial tone wouldn’t believe that.

And what if they did get someone out here to verify that there was a real alien? There was little doubt in his mind that law enforcement and then the government would quickly step in, whisking the evil version of E.T. away into some distant Area 51 lab. Roman would never see it-- or get any answers from it-- ever again.

He hung the phone up with a solid click, and turned to face the kitchen.

If he was going to interrogate a hostile alien, he needed to arm himself.

---

Shockingly, when he returned to the barn, the alien was still there.

He had crept up quietly again, hoping to catch it unawares, but this time it had been staring unerringly at him from the moment he peeked through the door, those smaller, rounder eyes wide open under its main ones.

He pushed the door open further with a dramatic flourish, pretending like he hadn’t been sneaking at all.

“Alien scourge,” Roman greeted, wincing at the crack in his voice. He cleared his throat, ignoring the way the alien’s dark gaze sent chills down his spine. “I don’t know how you ended up here, but I do know that you’re going to give me the information that I need.”

He pointed the end of his weapon of choice for emphasis, and the alien recoiled with a hiss, quickly jabbing out at it with those back arms.

Just as he’d hoped, however, putting vegetable oil on the already-slick plastic handle of the kitchen broom had made it basically impossible for those single-pronged limbs to stab or grab it. He grinned triumphantly, poking the alien with the end of it. The playing field had officially been evened.

“Now, unless you want me to introduce you to the Earth concept of piñatas, you better tell me what you’re here for.”

The alien was entirely silent, watching him with those shiny, pitch-black eyes. Behind it, its spider arms were vibrating with tension, probably in preparation to stab out the moment he slipped up.

“I’m serious,” Roman warned, poking it a little harder and getting exactly nothing for his efforts, not even a glare. “I know what I saw that night, and there’s no way it’s a coincidence that now you’re here. It was an abduction."

He paused for effect, and the alien let out a series of clicks and low, warped sounds that sounded like meaningless nonsense.

"I don't speak alien." Roman frowned. "Tell me what happened. Why were you-- or, your-- your brethren or your shipmates or whatever, why were they taking people? Where did they take them?”

The alien made what sounded like the same exact series of noises. Roman groaned in frustration.

“In-- In English! You understand what I’m saying, don’t you? If aliens are real and have the technology to infiltrate Earth without being detected, they have to have some way of communicating! An insta-translator or telepathy or math nonsense or something!” He threw his arms out in frustration, making the alien twitch.

He paced back and forth for a moment, before coming to a stop in front of the alien again and leveling it with an accusatory stare. “You’re faking it. I don’t believe that you can’t understand me.”

The alien just kept staring at him, flat plates where its mouth should have been, not a single expression visible on its face. It was about as convinced by Roman’s argument as everyone else in his life, which was to say, not at all. He felt a surge of white-hot anger, and levered the broom at its neck threateningly.

“Tell me, right now!” he demanded, stinging tears building up at the corner of his eyes. “Tell me where my brother is!”

He shoved the broom further forwards, and the alien snapped its limbs forwards and knocked it away, startling him into stumbling back. It hissed at him again, stabbing at the ground like a warning. He scowled, swiping at his face with a sleeve, and swung the broom handle at it sharply.

The swing went wide, more than a foot from touching any of it, but the alien showed the closest thing to emotion he’d seen so far, half of its eyes flinching closed in anticipation. Roman felt a sickening twist in his gut, some odd mix of guilt, anger, and vindication, and he turned away sharply.

Not for the first time, he wished he’d been the one that had been taken.

Remus wouldn’t care if the stupid cops didn’t listen to him, if their parents didn’t believe him, if the whole town thought he was insane. He would know how to convince an alien to talk, would threaten to-- to crush its extra eyes or cut off limbs or do something Roman was too squeamish to even think up.

If it was Remus, it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t know what to do. He’d at least do something.

He wouldn’t be going through the motions of life like everything was the same.

Pretending had always been Roman’s specialty, after all.

Roman cast a furious glare over his shoulder at the alien, resentful that it was still staring at him even as he was in the middle of a breakdown, and tossed the broom into the corner.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said, swallowing back the thickness in his voice, “and every day after that until you tell me.”

Threat delivered, he stormed out of the barn and slammed the doors shut behind him.

[iwadori]

Hiiii can i request prompt 53 with tsukki? My annoying cousin u may know @chibiiichan(i cant tag her its a surprise) recommend ur account and well she never been right more than now I LIKE UR ACC TOO URM JUST TAG HER IN THE POST (bcs its actually her birthday next week monday so....the least i could do this bcs she likes tsukki and shes recently talk abt the iwazumi story of yours....lmao shes cringe but in the same time got mad n i was besides her hearing her whining like bruh 'its 1 am'...i know i should buy something for her but she got spoiled enough 💅...that mf-) thank you ✨

‘ALWAYS AND FOREVER’

TSUKISHIMA X READER

2K WORDS

GENRE: ANGST,FLUFF

TW: SLIGHT AMBIGIOUS MENTION OF SUICIDE/ASSISTED DEATH, AND DEATH, CURSING (IN MY A/N)

THIS IS FOR @chibiiichann Happy birthday, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS (BECAUSE I HATE IT :D ) SOOOOO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL. EXPECT SLIGHT MISTAKES

You were dying. You knew it. Your husband, Kei, knew it. Even friends you haven’t spoken too since high school knew it.

So why did you all pretend that everything was okay?

5 year old Y/N:

You were running around your neighbourhood park chasing after butterflies, without a care in the world. As you were frollicing in the grass, you manage to trip over a rock tumbling to the ground scraping your knee making it bleed. Looking down at your slightly injured knee, your lip begins to quiver which eventually leads to wails of tears streaming down your face.

“you don’t have to cry you know?” said a slightly quiet voice towering over you. Above you was a boy, quite tall with a fat pair of glasses, golden eyes and a head full of blonde locks.

“Well when I get hurt, I cry” you say matter oh factly (is that the phrase?) rubbing your nose as you sniffle. He held out a hand to you, which you immediately took shooting upwards and brushing yourself off.  

The boy, after looking at you wildly, turns around and walks back to the actual park. “Oi wait,” you call at the boy swiftly following him “aren’t you going to ask my name?”

“no.” he says simply, proceeding to walk ahead.

“well my names Y/N L/N pleasure to meet you,” you say jumping in front of him so he doesn’t move, waiting for him to tell you his name...which he doesn’t. “you don’t have to be so rude you know”  

“I’m not being rude” he says stiffly “ it’s just my brother says not to speak to strangers” a smirk appears on his face to say ‘you can leave me alone now.’  

As if on cue, his brother approaches the both of you given the boy a slap on the back making him cringe “Hey Kei, who’s the friend you’ve made here?”  

“My name is Y/N L/N and I'm here to be KEI’s best friend!” you said putting the emphasis on the word Kei after just learning that was the blondes name.  

Kei rolled his eyes and sighed saying “nii-chan can we go home now” he folded his arms in annoyance.

“No Kei, you’ve got to get to know your new found friend Y/N-Chan right?” his brother said teasingly, knowing it was the last thing Kei wanted to do.

“Yes ofcourse!” you say with a toothy grin, dragging Kei along with you to his demise.

Until the sun went down, you spent the rest of your time with Kei getting to know eachother (well him getting to know you more, since you did all the speaking.) Regardless of his previous annoyance in getting to know you in the first place, Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know you now.

As the sun was setting, Kei’s older brother (who’s name you learned was Akiteru) called him to tell him he had to go home because dinner was ready. Before he left, you grabbed his hand and wrapped your pinky finger around his saying “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

back to present -  

In some odd way, this was Kei’s way of looking out for you. He knew what you had was uncurable and would weaken you even more as the days go by, so pretending like nothing was wrong seemed to be best in his eyes.  

Everything you and Kei did was a game or some nostalgic act that you once did when you were children. It was sweet to say the least, seeing Kei all engrossed and determined to make you happy.  

Your alarm rings snapping you out of you daydream, ‘it was time for medicine’ you thought with your face scowling at the thought. Immediately on time, as always, Kei comes In the room with all your medicine thats needed.

“Aren’t you my perfect little nurse Kei” you say teasingly giving him a wink, laughing as you see his face turn red.

“Do you have to do this every time y/n?” he asks rolling his eyes at your childish behaviour.

“Oh I'm just showing love to my best and favourite nurse” you continue laughing at your own words

“Im your only ‘nurse’” he deadpans giving you your medicine as you talk.

“Well that is more reason to make you the best nurse.” you say smiling.

Silence falls between you, and you stare down at your arm watching as your husband gives you the medicine making you frown. “Do we have to keep doing this?” you ask which is probably the 1000th time you’ve asked.

“Of course we do Y/N as I’ve said yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it-”

“But do we really?” you interrupt “I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Do you doubt me Y/N, I can do this forever” he says “ I can take care of you forever”

“But I don’t wan-”

“I’m finished, I’m going to start on dinner” he gets up and leaves the room yelling “I’ll call you when it’s done.”

Sometimes you and Kei have these conversations. And all the time it ends the same way. You complain, he ignores and then you go and have dinner.

You can understand why he doesn’t want to have this conversation. Who would want to hear about their partners complaints about practically being alive. Kei was torn, ever since he met you all he wanted to was to keep you happy. But could he compromise his own happiness for it.

15 year old Y/N - flashback

“Kei Kei, aren’t you excited!” you yell smiling widley

“Excited for what?” he asks, amused by your enthusiasm “it’s just highschool.”

“Well it’s a new highschool! Karasuno high school, to be exact.”

“And that is still just a school.” he says

“Not just any! That’s the school nii-chan went too, and even tho he lie-”

“Let’s not talk about it Y/N” he murmurs “we should go now, don’t want to be late on our first date.”

Going to Karasuno was fun, at the start everyone was pleasant and nice. But after a week or two when you and Kei were still stuck to eachother like glue, people weren’t so pleasant. Kei was like a pop idol, being gorgeous and over 6ft at just the age of 15, caused alot of attention, especially when he was always around you.

At the start, the hate you got was bearable, it was the petty bitchy notes in your locker or just people blatanly talking badly about you infront of you. People didn’t do it when you weren’t around Kei, so when he had volleyball practice (which you were so excited that he joined the team) you were a big target for the bullies to come around.

Kei didn’t really know of the bullying that happened towards you, especially since he was mainly in practice or not around when it happened. But one day in practice he heard some of his teammates, kageyama and hinata who seemed to talking about a student in one of their classes that was always getting picked on by the other girls in the year.

“Yeah and I heard that Nana-san was planning on getting her and her friends to attack Y/N-san soon.”  said Hinata

“Shrimpy, who are they planning on attacking?” Kei asks to make sure he just heard the ginger correctly.

“Oh this lovely person in our class their name is Y/N-san” he says, looking at Kei’s reaction he also asks “Why? Do you know them?”  

Kei doesn’t respond, and immediately leaves the gym, ignoring Hinata’s and the other members of the teams yells of ‘Where are you going tsukishima.’ He didn’t care, he just had to get to you.  

He searched all the classes, asking every student if he knew where you were. Someone directs him to the toilets, where he burst through the door to see the other girls in your year surrounding you and beating you up.  

“What the fuck are you doing to them?” he yells startling the girls.

“T-T-Tsukishima-san" one girl says “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh fuck off” he says, with them still frozen in shock “I said go!”  

“And don’t think I don’t know your names either” he calls after them.

He rushes towards your bruised body on the ground and cradles you gently, confused on what to really do. “Oi Kei,” you say weakly catching his attention “I would’ve won if you didn’t come to stop the fight.” you joke making him scoff.

“Whatever you say Y/N.”

After you heal up, Kei already told on the girls that beat you up getting them suspended, and you explain how they were treating you because of their infatuation of him. And how they only did it when he wasn’t around.

Once he learns this information, he decides to quite the volleyball team, to your surprise. But you demands on making him not quit were ignored, as he excused it by saying “I have to make sure you’re always alright remember, and if that means quitting some volleyball team then so be it.”

That was one out of the many times that Kei put his happiness before yours.

Flashback over.

When you first got diagnosed, Kei was immediately researching on it as it was a very rare condition. But sadly, he only found what the doctor already told you both. It was uncurable and your immune system and your body will weaken as the days go by.

Which it did, you were a shell of your past self. It was always shocking for Kei to see, especially with you only being 25. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be this way,’ but he never let you see his sadness.

Whenever you knew Kei was sad you always reminded him “Kei, I may be dying but please don’t cry over me” every time you said, there was a slight undertone of humour in your voice which always worked in boosting Kei’s spirit.

AN: IVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HATE THIS SOOO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTING RUSHED ENDING IM GOING TO PROVIDE FOR YOU LOL.

The days passed and the years went by, and you and Kei were still alive and kicking it. Doing your daily routine of you making some joke, Kei giving you your medicine and then you eating dinner. You eventually stopped complaining, realizing and remembering your promise you gave to Kei at 5 years old in that park. “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

Of course you had your rough days, everybody did and it was even harder being sick with a terminal illness. But having Kei to guide you through the storm made It better for you.

However, Kei isnt a miracle worker. He couldn’t save you, noone could. And you both knew that. That didn’t mean it made it any easier when the medicine stopped working and your pain got too hard to bear. Kei couldn’t watch you do this anymore, “the choice is yours” he said with tears in his eyes.  

So you knew what you had to do, you got in your bed pulling Kei with you, and letting him envelope you in a big hug as you both cried.

“I love you,” you say “You know that right?”

“Of course I know that, idiot” he replies “And I love you.”

“Always and forever?”

“Always and forever.”

AN: how did I END UP CRYING WHILST WRITING THIS WHEN IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE, I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS COOL NOTEBOOK (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK) ENDING WHERE ITS AMBIGIOUS AND SHIT AND I JUST GIVE UP OKAY? I APOLOGISE LOOOOOOL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY ATLEAST A SENTENCE OF THIS AT LEAST.

[1rosex]

BTS Reaction to the silent treatment (fluff)

Request: bts reaction to you giving them the silent treatment? But not a serious argument, just a joking reaction to something they said

A/N I cant apologize enough for how long it took me to get to this, I hope you forgive me 💔

this is really light-hearted, fluff not angst!!

Masterlist

Jin

"This is extremely childish." Jin said as you gave him an annoyed look, looking back at your phone. He waited a little longer to see if you'd say something this time, but you remained quiet.

"You can't keep this up forever. You have to speak eventually." Jin stated. He leaned forward across the table, trying to get you to look at him. "Y/N."

You reluctantly glanced up at him, giving him an irritated expression.

"What kind of person doesn't like pizza?" He grinned, and you could sense the dad joke from twenty miles away.'Dont do it.' You thought silently to yourself, knowing you couldn't stop it.

"A weirdough." Jin started laughing, and you snorted in an attempt to keep it together. Oh, that was close.

"Oh come on Y/N that was a good one! I'm gonna keep telling them until you laugh or say something. Speak now or forever hold your peace!"

Namjoon

"Say something." Namjoon tapped your shoulder for the hundredth time. You gave him an annoyed side glance, then went back to watching the television. "I'm sorry." He said, but your eyes remained straight ahead.

".. You look beautiful right now." Namjoon complimented before giving you a peck on the cheek. You felt your heart swell, but refused to look at him." You're always beautiful though." Namjoon continued. "Really, I could stare for hours. That would be creepy though, so I won't. But I'm just saying. I could do it. You're stunning."

You couldn't help it, your lips upturned into a slight smile. Namjoon grinned, deciding to take it further now that you were breaking.

"Y/N~ talk to me. I'm missing your voice." Namjoon leaned dangerously close after that, making your cheeks heat up. It was becoming nearly impossible not to acknowledge him now that his hands were around you.

"Or maybe I'll just have to find other ways to make you speak.."

Yoongi

There's no giving Yoongi the silent treatment. Why? Because he'll give it right back. You'd both been sitting on opposite ends of the table completely silent with only occasional glances at one another. The silence was starting to become unbearable for the both of you, but niether gave in. Jungkook came in for a snack and immidiately sensed the tension.

".. This won't do. You have to talk to each other eventually." He said as he walked past the two of you.

"No." You stated, at the exact same time Yoongi said it. You looked at each other. "Stop that." You both said at the same time, in perfect sync. You suddenly forgot your grudge and started to laugh. Yoongi sighed irritability at the fact that he had given in, but he was smiling.

"My job here is done." Jungkook grinned as he grabbed his food and left.

"Ugh... That kid always has to ruin my plans."

J-Hope

Hoseok batted his big doe eyes at you. You bit your tongue and averted your eyes, knowing you'd give in from guilt if you kept staring.

"Y/N~" He purred in a high pitched voice. Oh no. You'd been giving him the silent treatment for too long, he was going to his last resort. Aegyo. You considered giving in, but you bit your lip and stared him down.

"Y/N I'm sowwy! I won't do it again. I pwomise." Hoseok said in the same pitch, combining it with a pout and balled up fists to double the cringe factor. You couldn't help but hiss in embarrassment and look away. Hoseok smirked when he realized you were about to break.

"I'm only getting started Y/N. Don't make me break out the fake crying too~"

Jimin

You weren't being serious about the silent treatment, so you didn't expect Jimin to look so hurt when you started ignoring him. It'd probably only go on for a few minutes before Jimin's sulky behavior and sad glances would become too much to bear.

"I was kidding, I'm not mad." You finally said, not being able to stand your boyfriend moping around like a scolded puppy. A triumphant smirk suddenly appeared on his face.

"Ha, I knew you'd give in!"

Realizing he’d just been acting this entire time to guilt you, you groaned. "Park Jimin you sneaky little..."

"What? You started it. I know you can't stay mad~"

Taehyung

"Wow, this looks so good." Taehyung boasted before he took a giant bite of his hamburger. "Mmm. Delicious." He said before making obnoxiously loud chewing noises, trying to gain your attention.

You stared at him for a second, then went back to reading. You were giving him the silent treatment, so he was eating food in front of you trying to get you to break and ask for some. But you refused, no matter how good that hamburger looked... And how much his slurping was annoying you. Taehyung took a big gulp of his soda, making sure it was audible for you.

"Just say the word and its all yours." Taehyung mocked as he waved a fry in front of your face. You tried to grab it but he snatched it back and ate it before you could.

"Tsk tsk~ you're gonna have to speak up if you want anything."

Jungkook

You were pretty sure you could give Jungkook the silent treatment for weeks and he wouldn't even notice. Jungkook played on his game console, oblivious to your glaring from the other side of the couch. You sighed and decided to scroll through social media, seeing how long it would take him to realize he'd actually ticked you off.

After a few rounds, Jungkook tried to ask you if you wanted to play but was received by silence.

"... Are you ignoring me?" He asked you, but you didn't even look at him. "Don't be like this." Silence.

"Ah. Okay. So that's how you want to play it." Before you could even blink, Jungkook was on you tickling your sides. Had it been a more serious argument, you would've pushed him off. But realizing how petty your reason was, you couldn't help but start laughing.

"Stop, stop!" You complained while trying to grab his hands.

"I knew you could never stay mad at me."

[goldenpinof]

This might just be me being petty, but i was sort-of-not-really invited to this adult dinner my parents are throwing, and because im an adult i joked that i could go too. So my dad said i could if i wanted. Then next thing i know, its a date night and im not allowed bc im single (which kinda irks me bc im aroace so i WONT be dating anyone anyways). And im like cool, thats fine. Only to find out last night that my aunt (who is single) is going, and i cant help but feel a bit left out? Sad? Idk

(Dinner anon): instead, im watching as my parents are getting ready to go and im in my pj's having to watch children. I was supposed to have a dinner after my college graduation (which i didnt even want to go to btw, i went FOR my family), but everytime i brought it up my mom would just shrug her shoulders at me. So now ive graduated, and im sat here not exactly sure what to do? Do i bring it up? I dont feel like i should go at this point bc its obvious they dont want me there anyways

(Dinner anon) lmaoo so my sister just complained that my aunt is going so they shouldve invited me along and then i decided to be a l i t t l e petty and make mention that i was invited, then uninvited, and then invited again. My mom though, once again, just shrugged her shoulders and said that i was invited but i never accepted it... like??? I HELPED YOU PLAN THIS WDYM I NEVER ACCEPTED im just, ,,, tired and frustrated

(Dinner anon) oof update: so my mom invited me again. My dad walks in and my aunt goes to take a shower before we leave. My dad was apparently not informed that my aunt was going so now hes pissed bc this WAS in fact, a date night with friends who are all couples. So now i definitely dont want to go bc i know it would piss him off. So now i know im definitely not invited, never was, and am just watching all the drama unfold.

OH MY GOD. 1st of all, what is wrong with communication there? 2nd of all, i’m so sorry you had to go through all that invited/not invited bs. i just don’t get one thing, is your aunt going? because they’re gonna be the only single person there if you don’t go, gonna be fun i guess hejfdksd. anyway, family drama is the worst thing ever, i hope you’re not hurt by your parents’ decision and i hope that dinner wasn’t important to you :(

the situation sucks, but it’s definately a thing to remember for years:)

[albrtmason]

would you share some hosea headcanons you have? i’d live to hear them! i agree fandom tends to ignore him.

this is mostly backstory because thats the person i am and i like thinking of things as a Story. these also arent super polished because i havent had the time recently to put proper research into them!!! and this got a LOT longer than i intended so im putting it under a cut haha 

so hosea was born in the early to mid 1840s (1843?) in the allegheny mountains in what is now west virginia (would have just been virginia then, wv didnt exist until 63). he grew up in a small community, largely agricultural, and like most people in appalachia at the time, his family were subsistence farmers. he had his mom and his dad and two younger sisters.

his dad was in and out of his life from the beginning, especially into his teenage years. but its also through him that hosea really got his first taste of what it was like to be an outlaw: his dad was a moonshiner, and eventually hosea started helping him run it (but not distill it). what money his father didn’t gamble away or spend in brothels helped to support the family, which was more than others in the community could say.

(his father of course did a lot more than just run moonshine, and hosea knew that, but he never got involved

when hosea was around 15 or 16 (so mid to late 1850s) his dad was arrested and, his mother having passed away a year or two before, his sisters were sent east to live with a distant aunt. (they kept contact for a while, sending letters, but communication trickled to an end when hosea was in his early 20s and he never heard from either of them again) hosea was considered old enough to fend for himself so he gathered up the little money he had left and whatever could be sold and he headed west for lack of anywhere else to go. initially he had wanted to get enough money to buy a place for him and his sisters to live, but that plan fell through pretty quick

(he knew from his time running ‘shine that the best way to get money wasn’t ever through honest work but rather under-the-table sort of work, the type of work that wasn’t strictly above-board, the type of work where he could do what he wanted whatever way that he wanted)

and he just kept going west, bouncing from town to town to town. he started out running moonshine because that’s what he knew best but he eventually moved on to pick pocketing, petty theft, eventually armed robbery and hitting people’s homes. he preferred conning people though, cheating at cards or rigging roulette, being friendly and silver-tongued enough to get a man blind drunk and rob him of all he had and be long, long gone by the time he sobered up

we know of course that he met dutch in the mid 1870s (i feel like there’s a specific date but i cant remember it rn and im too lazy to look) when they both tried to rob each other, so he would have been in his very late 20s or early 30s by that point, and decently comfortable in the life he’d built for himself. he never really had a specific goal that he worked towards, no plan for the future or anything; he was just living for the present, or whatever. dutch changed that, eventually

(you could put all sorts of vandermatthews stuff here if you wanted and maybe i’ll talk about it in another post but right now i won’t)

he met bessie a while after he met dutch cus they stuck around in one place a lot longer than they usually would, around a year or so, and he took to her almost immediately. she wasn’t astonishingly pretty or anything- was just average, really- but she was well-read and thoughtful and horribly witty and hosea was terribly in love with her. he proposed just before he and dutch skipped town and they got married.

i like to think that bessie ran around with them without actually committing any crimes herself. hosea had been very upfront with her about who he was and what he did once they started a romantic relationship. and it was good like that, for a few years; she and susan kept he and dutch in line and it worked. but eventually i think bessie would have gotten tired of being so transient; i think she would have wanted to settle, to have a family, to be normal. and i think on some level that hosea wanted that, too.

in 1878 or thereabouts they picked up arthur and hosea really threw himself into trying to help him, because while dutch may have seen something of himself in arthur, hosea DEFINITELY did: he saw a kid who’d lost both of his parents and his home, not by choice, trying to make it in the world, just trying to survive. and while years of crime had made hosea rougher, sharper, more sly and less remorseful, he’d never really lost his sense of empathy. i think that dutch liked arthur well enough when they first picked him up, but it’s hosea that really insisted on keeping him around

so hosea became a sort of mentor (and father figure, i guess, moreso than dutch was) to arthur, and along with dutch taught him how to read and write and draw (though hosea was more lettered, and dutch more artistically-inclined). they taught him how to shoot and ride a horse and how to rob and kill. i think at times, especially towards the beginning, hosea would feel a bit guilty about dragging a kid into that sort of life, but then he’d tell himself that arthur would have fallen into it anyway, and with worse people than he and dutch

eventually bessie wanted to settle and put down roots and live, and a part of hosea did as well, so they left the gang for a bit to try and make it work. but hosea didn’t really know any other life than being a criminal; he was smart, he was clever and deft-fingered and a quick learner, but he wasn’t a tradesman and i think he would have started to chafe at the constancy of it all, and so he went back to the gang because being a criminal was all he really knew

like he said in the game, bessie understood. she knew what he was, who he was- she knew him. and he loved her, loved her as much as someone like him could; they tried to make their marriage work, with him gone all the time, and he really hated how it sort of echoed his parents because a part of him had hated his father, hated him for how sad his mother looked all the time, how she’d occasionally sigh and stare out the window like she was waiting for something. he didn’t want to do that to bessie, didn’t want to become like his dad

occasionally he’d split off from the gang and go and see her, often for some weeks, maybe a month, before returning. she was always happy to see him and she never complained but he always felt just a little bit guilty, even though they wrote letters to each other as often as they could. eventually though bessie got sick, real sick, and he spent three months away to be with her, to love her and take care of her the best he could, and to pray she would get better. she didn’t, though, and so he’d had to bury his wife, and like he says in some camp dialogue he spent the next year or so drinking heavily, enough that he was rarely sober and pretty much drunk all the time

john was the apple of dutch’s eye when he was brought to them and while hosea did the same as he did with arthur- taught him to read and write, and other things- it was mostly dutch who took over john’s “”education””. hosea was okay with that; him and arthur started running a few jobs together, just the two of them

as the gang itself grew hosea sort of asserted himself as dutch’s right hand man, if not almost an equal in leadership. he was more analytical and calculating than dutch, and he brought sense to dutch’s passion, taking his ideas and making them into something workable. and that was good, for a while; they worked well together, and by this point hosea was swept up in dutch’s ideas of striking out and making a home for themselves (though the was obviously still a bit cynical about it, as we can see in-game)

he was the only one really able to truly temper dutch, and the only one that dutch would really listen to criticism from, so he also sort of became an intermediary between dutch and the rest of the gang, where they would come to him with their problems and he’d pass them on to dutch and so on and so forth. that started to change though, little by little, and hosea knew that his friend was slipping away and there was not really anything he could do about it except be there to try and play damage control.

things never really got better but they sort of plateaued for a bit in a place where the gang was still safe and hosea was content enough with their position there, with the way dutch’s mind worked, but micah’s arrival really exacerbated dutch’s downward spiral because micah really enabled dutch’s passions and, well, dutch’s ego had always been his fatal flaw, and micah stoked that and kept doing so until eventually everything just fell apart

[bigskydreaming]

builtfjordtuff replied to your post:

Teen Wolf no longer exists, Scott McCall is now a...

But does he date Berto?

Look, its simple. Scott likes Berto who likes Scott but who also likes Sam, but that’s okay because Scott likes Sam too. Who doesn’t like Sam? Well Dani at first, but we all know that’s a lie, Dani actually likes Sam a lot except for when she likes Xi��an. Who likes Kitty which is a bummer because Kitty’s a snob about being one of the X-Men instead of a New Mutant, and also is a bummer because Illyana likes Xi’an, but she also likes Kitty too, so like, she gets it. They commiserate over cups of hot chocolate while huddled on the couch griping about also, how hot is Amara, its totally not fair. 

Amara meanwhile also likes Berto and they date when he’s not dating Scott which is usually when Scott is dating Doug, who is just surprised he’s not doomed to just crush hopelessly on all of his classmates from afar, because why is the X-gene synonymous with So Hot My Eyes Bleed, science side of tumblr, please explain, he frantically types out before erasing it and instead typing Scratch that, mlm side of tumblr, how do I date boys, I did not study for this exam, halp.

But then you’ve got the Hellions to consider, because Manuel likes Amara but Manuel is a creep so Dani gives him nightmares that make him wet the bed for a month. Which makes Jimmy like Dani because Jimmy likes anyone who doesn’t like Manuel, and Dani likes Jimmy because have you seen Jimmy, duh. And Sam is conflicted because he still likes Dani but he also likes Jimmy and he complains to Berto, who was kinda busy spending time with ‘Mara. Rude, Sam.

 And then Scott pops his head up from the other side of the bed next to Amara and says don’t be dumb Sam, if you like them both, just tell them you like them both. And Sam hems and haws, and he’s like, but what if Jimmy doesn’t like me back? And Berto, Scott and Amara all give him the look something that dumb deserves.

“Wait, why aren’t you with Doug?” Sam asks Scott, who shrugs. 

“I think Doug dumped me for that alien dude we rescued from that other planet, Warlock? They’ve been doing this whole mind meld thing and talking at each other in computer and its uh....not really my thing. I mean, I like Warlock, but I don’t LIKE him, so....they can do their thing without me, its cool. Way I figure it, at least Doug had to go out of this world to find a better boyfriend than me, so I’m good with that,” he grins.

Sam, Berto and Amara all nod, because that is a very Scott take on things. He’ll be fine. Plus, he’s in bed with Berto and Amara, so there’s that.

Course, then the X-Terminators join the New Mutants and Rusty and Skids are clearly soulmates so they are Dismissed, how boring, the others all think. But Tabby takes one look at Sam and decides WANT, and Dani takes one look at Tabby looking at Sam and goes DO NOT WANT, and lots of explosions and make-you-crap-your-pants illusions become commonplace over the next few weeks while Sam and Jimmy sit there and just roll their eyes. 

And Doug’s like, why aren’t you guys doing something, I mean, you shouldn’t be okay with them fighting over you. And Jimmy gives Doug an “are you for real” look, and shakes his head. “They’re not fighting over us, they’re flirting,” he gripes. 

“We’re pretty sure they just haven’t figured that part out yet,” Sam sighs.

“And until they do, and figure out what they want to do next, we’re kinda stuck in Limbo,” Jimmy complains. Illyana pokes her head over the couch just long enough to realize nobody’s talking about the actual Limbo with demons and stuff, hence she doesn’t care, and she and Xi’an go back to trying to figure out how to figure out exactly how old Scott and Jean’s time-travelled from the future daughter Rachel is. But without, like, actually asking her, because then she’d know they were asking so they’d know if it was weird to date her, and god, how embarrassing.

“Well why don’t you guys just...do your own thing?” Doug asks Jimmy, still confused. See, this is why dating a machine lifeform from another planet isn’t the weirdest thing he could be doing with his lovelife. At least Warlock makes sense. Most of the time.

“Without Dani? That’d be like cheating.” Sam looks offended by the very thought. Jimmy nods in total agreement. 

“But....she’s flirting with Tabby, you just said. Isn’t that cheating?” Doug helplessly tries to compute. 

“Of course not, because she doesn’t KNOW she’s flirting,” Jimmy just sounds totally exasperated now. Error, error 404, Doug thinks. He tries to backspace but honestly, he has no idea where the fuck he took a wrong turn.

Sam just shakes his head pityingly.

The others are no help. Berto and Amara are cuddled up on the floor leaning against the couch and Scott’s laying slash draped slash sprawled across their laps. That shouldn’t be comfortable but he’s practically purring, which, bizarre, because he’s a werewolf, not a werecat. Then Julio saunters over, and even Doug knows that saunter is the only word for walking that deliberately. Hips don’t normally move that way, he’s pretty sure.

“So, you guys don’t really have a problem with complicated here, huh,” he grins, plopping himself into a chair next to them. 

“What was your first clue,” Berto deadpans. Amara eyes Julio appraisingly. Scott just burrows deeper into their laps and sighs contentedly. 

“Well...” Julio begins. Just then a few X-Men appear in the doorway with a bulky white-haired giant who’s half metal and all scowl. Julio’s attention is on the tall kid next to him who looks like the love child of a ballet dancer and an American Ninja Warrior, tackiness included. But like, he has swords. And a ponytail. Julio is in LOVE.

“Never mind,” he says, getting up and casually migrating closer to the newcomers. Berto’s eyes narrow.

“Is that what being dumped is like?” He demands. Amara just shrugs. It’s not like she knows either. Scott still hasn’t opened his eyes.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Cable, and his young protegee Shatterstar, “ Storm says. “Shatterstar is a gladiator from a war torn parallel universe. Cable is Scott and Madelyne’s infant son who was sent to the future, as I’m sure you all remember.”

Several mouths open at that. Bobby jumps in.

“Before jokes are made and lives are lost, you should all know that he has lots of guns, none of his father’s issues with using them, and zero sense of humor. I checked.”

Several mouths close. Illyana still looks tempted. Storm eyes her warily.

“Anyway, Cable will be taking over your instruction from now on. I trust you will show him the same respect and courtesy you would show any of us,” Storm continues.

“So basically, none at all,” Wolverine grouches. Jimmy, Illyana, Tabby, Berto and Amara all smirk at him. 

“So you’re from another dimension? That sounds hella cool,” Julio says, smiling up at Shatterstar, who is in fact a giant.

“The sad thing is, that really is his idea of smooth,” Tabby says loudly from across the room. Julio’s eyes narrow and said room begins to vibrate ominously.

“Oh for Chrissakes,” Wolverine mutters and stalks out.

Because poking sleeping bears is her favorite hobby, not that Julio could ever in his wildest dreams qualify as a bear, he’s an otter at best, Tabby directs the full wattage of her patented Here Comes Trouble grin at the bemused Shatterstar.

“You got any drugs, Shatty? Cuz Julio’s got the sex and the rock’n’roll covered.”

“Shut up Tabitha, GOD,” Julio yells, red-faced and stamping his foot. The room starts to shake and Tabby and Dani both giggle, then glare at each other.

“Ignore her, she’s the worst,” Julio says a little desperately. Shatterstar just tilts his head and smiles, still patiently bemused.

“I have no idea what is happening right now.”

Scott fucking cackles.

“Good, that’s fine,” Julio says, still a little manic. “Tell you what, want me to show you around the mansion and I can show you what’s what?”

“Reconnaissance,” Shatterstar nods approvingly. “An excellent suggestion.”

He follows Julio out the door, after the other boy flips of Tabitha one more time. She blows him a kiss. Berto eyes them both as they leave, frowning.

“Who even says stuff like reconnaissance? What a nerd. I can’t believe we got dumped for him.”

“Shut up, Berto,” Scott and Amara both sigh.

Two weeks later, Berto and Amara get sucked through a time portal into the future. Scott consults with various X-Men who have experience with such matters and observes the requisite period of not-mourning-because-they’re-not-actually-dead-but-we-cant-exactly-be-expected-to-wait-forever-seriously-we-only-dated-like-two-months-tops. He starts spending time with Justice from the New Warriors. Dani declares him a traitor and bars him from the weekly ‘All The Adults Are Dumb And This Is How The Mutant Revolution Should Really Go Down’ strategy meetings until Scott informs her of his secret master plan to seduce Justice and lure him to join the New Mutants where he belongs. Mollified, Dani rescinds her order of Acts of Petty Vengeance For This Lust-Born Betrayal and eyes him. “You do goofy so well I forget you’re good at devious. Change of plans. When the revolution comes, we should totally make you a spy.”

Scott beams at her.

“How come Scott gets to be a spy?” Illyana demands, popping out of nowhere. “I want to be a spy. I’m a teleporter. Teleporters make the best spies.”

“Not when they bring demons with them everywhere they go,” Dani arches a brow. Illyana narrows hers.

“What, I can’t have friends now?”

Scott hastily departs.

A month later, Berto and Amara return from the future, ten years older and maybe married? They’re not sure. The time travel experts among the X-Men can’t make a consensus on whether cross-time marriage vows are considered binding until Rachel comes back from the dead. Again.

“Eww, Berto got hotter somehow. That’s so obnoxious.” Tabby wrinkles her nose. Xi’an and Illyana’s glances at Amara (furtive in Xi’an’s case, blatant in Illyana’s) seem to convey a similar sentiment. Twenty eight year old Berto preens and a few shoulders relax. At least they know its not a shapeshifter now.

“Don’t be too smug,” Jimmy tells him. “Scott dumped you while you were gone.”

Berto’s smirk transforms into a scowl. Illyana throws a pillow at Jimmy.

“Hey! I wanted to be the one to tell him that.”

Scott ignores them both. “Come on, you can’t actually be mad. Look at you. You can rent a car by yourself now, it would never work like this. It’s too weird even for us.”

“He’s legal drinking age now and like a zillion other things, but your mind goes to ‘can rent a car’,” Tabby shakes her head in utter bewilderment. “Who hurt you?”

“It’s okay, Scott, neither of us is even a little surprised. We were only a thing for barely two months, we wouldn’t have expected you to wait,” Amara smiles reassuringly. 

“Agree to disagree,” Berto grouses. Scott gives him a Look and he rolls his eyes and subsides. “Fine. Is our clearly inferior replacement hot at least?”

“He has a cape,” Tabby says helpfully.

“It looks dumb,” Julio says, eyes focused on his guitar as he experiments with a chord position. Scott glares.

“Your face looks dumb.” Not his best retort, but he was a little sensitive about the topic of Vance’s cape because honestly, it did look dumb and he was a little worried Vance was the only one who didn’t get that. Is not getting that no eighteen year old needs to wear a cape one of those irreconcilable differences people break up over?

“You really got me there, killer,” Julio rolls his eyes, twanging out an especially loud and off key chord. “Bow wow.”

Shatterstar looks between them both, frowning slightly. “I’m still not sure how this works,” he says to Doug, who is completely absorbed in his laptop. Probably skyping with Warlock on the other side of the galaxy or something. “Am I supposed to be jealous here? Are they doing the flirting?”

Doug sighs. “Like I would know?”

A month later Scott’s master plan to seduce Justice into joining the New Mutants fizzles out when he and Vance break up. Not, it turns out, because of his cape, but because of Firestar. But no, we do not need to declare a blood feud, Dani, please for the love of god, for once just chill. She’s actually a very nice person and I’m happy for them both and no I do not want to talk about it let’s go to the Danger Room, I want to kill robots please and thank you.

He dates Berto’s clone for awhile, but then he turns evil and if capes are maybe an issue for Scott, supervillain monologues are definitely a dealbreaker. Even if Berto is like, the only person in existence who can pull them off. Course, Scott might be biased, oh no he’s biased about his time travelling ex’s supervillain clone who is also his ex. How is this his life? That’s it, Scott decides. No more dating time travelers, clones or supervillains. He is declaring a moratorium on all non-age appropriate, born in this era, on this planet, in this universe, potential suitors.

Two days later, Cable gathers them all in the den. Standing next to him is a teenager who looks like he could be his grandson, complete with glowing eye and a single white streak in his hair.

“Everyone, this is Nate Grey,” Cable says, sounding both pained and bored, as though he’s been through this a dozen times already and it hurt every time.  “He’s my younger self from an alternate universe and...”

“Oh no, he’s hot,” Scott groans. Tabby busts out laughing and falls off the arm of the couch where she’d perched. Nate looks at Scott with a quizzical frown, but two seconds later his lips twitch and he ducks his head and oh no, Grey, he’s a telepath ugh fuck his life this is literally the worst. Cable looks back and forth between the two of them, his frown deepening until its practically a canyon in his granite-stern face.

“No,” he says flatly. Scott flushes beet red.

“Shut up, you’re not my dad!”

He blinks. Where the hell did that come from? Jimmy and Illyana join Tabby in the dying of laughing.

“No, but you know who his dad is, right?” Julio drawls. “Cyclops. Which means if you marry our boy Nate here, who's basically a Summers, then we’d have two Scott Summers who both have sticks permanently stuck up their asses. How would we ever tell you apart?”

“I will rip your throat out with my teeth,” Scott says, eyes flashing and canines elongating, in what is supposed to be clear and obvious menace but for some reason Dani too is now on the floor. Ugh. Traitors, every last one of them.

Shatterstar throws up his hands in exasperation, turning to Doug. “Okay, is THIS the flirting? I’m not even mad, I just want to know!”

“Then why are you asking me?!” an equally exasperated Doug yells back. 

Wolverine enters the den, the kitchen on the other side his clear destination. He stops, takes one look around the room. Sniffs. Shakes his head.

“Nope,” he says as he turns on his heel and walks back out.

And that’s what you missed on Glee.

[slayxwolf]

Scott McCall Imagine- Alpha Affliction

Request: Hey, love your writing. Could you do a Scott McCall fic where Y/n is the leader of a rival pack and there’s tension between them because of it?

Word Count: 2,572

“I could have killed you” you heard from across the school. “But you didn't- not like you could anyway” you scoffed. “For once, could you just admit that you screwed up?” he sighed. “For once, could you just except that you’ve been beaten?” you returned. “Who the hell are you talking to Y/L/N?” coach bellowed, breaking you out of your wolf hearing. “Christ, no need to shout” you whined, holding your head due to how loud he sounded. “Language! Don't make me give you detention on a Monday morning” he yelled, already walking off to go and scold Greenburg, for something petty most likely. You opened your locker door and grabbed your books, you smirked into it after sensing someone familiar. You slammed it shut and the person standing behind it barely waited a second before beginning to grill you. “What on earth were you thinking? I’ll tell you what, you wasn't” he lectured. “Stilinski, I’ve literally just gone through this with McCall” you rolled your eyes. “We both know he has a soft spot for you, but I'm telling you, stop messing with his head!” he warned, using unneeded hand gestures. “No one got hurt!” you stated. “But they could have” he issued. “But they didn't” you growled, letting your eyes flicker red for a brief second. There may have been a slight run in with yours and Scott’s pack that turned a bit sour last night, but it turned out alright in the end. “Someone’s going to get hurt if you carry on the way you are with Scott” he told. “Are you threatening me Stiles?” you asked, smirking with amusement. “No, but I’m warning you. The worst thing you could do is break his heart. You know what happened to him in the past, if you’re looking for a weak spot, pick anything but that” he said, before walking off down the hallway. You stood there for a second and dropped your head, knowing exactly what he was talking about, though it was never your intention to capitalise on his loss.

Things weren't always like this. You didn't ask to be an alpha and by no means did you intentionally kill someone for it. You belonged to your older sister’s pack, and things were so much simpler back then. When the Darach showered up, she needed to get your pack out of the way, because your sister was too close to revealing Jennifer Blake for what she was. Most of you died, but you managed to survive. You had to stand and watch as the members of your pack screamed in agony at the wolfs bane that slowly made its way around their bloodstreams. You knelt beside your sister, it was the only time you had seen her cry or show any vulnerability. You took as much of her pain as you could, but there was no hope. You closed your eyes and allowed your sobs to be muffled by your hand that covered your mouth. “Please sis- It hurts” she begged. “I cant” you said, shaking your head as tears rolled down your cheeks. “Please” she begged once more. You couldn't watch her struggle for breath, when she had been so powerful in life. The one person you didn't want to lose- was now begging for you to end her life. You cradled her motionless body in your arms, feeling the pain she felt. “I'm sorry” you whispered, before taking the life of the person you loved the most in one brisk movement. You screamed and sobbed for hours afterwards, until the remaining pack members had to pry you off of her body. You hated your red eyes, but hated the blue that hid under them even more. You lost more than a sister that day. But you couldn't grieve forever, with your remaining strength you held the pack together until it grew in size and power. However, what happened that day changed you and you weren't sure it was for the better.

“I’ll see you later” you said to one of your pack members, before you went your separate ways. You checked the time on your phone, it was 9pm and you had only just left school. Long story short, you had been on alpha duty all day, trying to prevent your pack from killing Scott’s. You even had to stay and wait for Lacrosse practice to finish, because of a few of them being on the same team as the others. You put your phone in your back pocket and crossed your arms, before finally heading home. You walked for about ten minutes until you let out a loud sigh in frustration. “Are you still not done following me Scott?” you shouted, proceeding to walk. All of a sudden you felt someone next to you. “How did you know?” he asked, in both curiously and embarrassment. You simply glowed your eyes red at him, “Oh right” he mumbled as your eyes faded back to their usual colour. “So are you going to tell me why you’re stalking me?” you asked, tilting your head. “I wouldn't call it stalking” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m pretty sure that's what the Sheriffs Department would call it, oh wait it doesn't actually matter, I'm sure your father in law will let you off with it” you said incredibly sarcastically. “How many times do I have to tell you? Stiles is not my overprotective boyfriend!” he raised his voice, meaning it echoed through the empty streets. You stared at him, trying to keep a straight face. It didn't last long until you both burst out laughing. “Woah, has the ice queen melted?” he asked, referring to how he’d only ever seen you scoff after becoming an alpha. “Not quite” you said shortly, as both of your laughs came to a stop. “No seriously though, why are you following me?” you questioned, killing the somewhat friendly mood. “And there she is” he mumbled. You simply raised your eyebrows, waiting for an answer. “Stiles thinks you’re up to something and I came to find out what” he accidently told. “Figures it would be him, he hates me” you complained. “Why would you think that?” he asked, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. You just gave him a blank expression, followed by an eye roll, Stiles made his dislike pretty obvious. “I'm sure if he got to know you more, he’d change his mind” he tried to convince. “I’ve known you all for most of my life" you returned. “I mean if they got to know the new you, you’ve been different since-” he tried to sympathise. “Don't try to understand Scott, you have no idea what it's like” you claimed, stopping still. “My first love died in my arms, because I dragged everyone into the supernatural word. Allison died because of me” he also stopped and raised his voice, in built up emotion rather than anger. “I had to kill my own sister Scott, it isn't a competition of who’s life is the shittest!” you matched his volume. “But look at yourself, you're too busy hating the world for what its done to you, that you didn't realise, and still don't realise that all we’ve ever tried to do is help you” he ranted. “I have no one Scott. All I had was her and when she died, she took a part of me, a part I’ll never get back- and no one was truly there for me when I was hurting, I still am hurting. So forgive me, for not being the optimistic idiot I used to be” you retort. “You pushed us away, we couldn't help someone that didn't want to be helped. Look, I'm sorry about your sister- but you cant carry on like this” he spoke a lot softer. “Carry on like what Scott?” your volume remained loud and aggressive. “You cant carry on being a temperamental psycho- like a ticking time-bomb” he regretted saying it, the second he finished speaking. “Watch me” you replied laconically, pushing past him before he saw the tears that welled up in your eyes.

“I'm going to kill him” you growled, eyes glowing. “Who?” one of your pack members asked, slightly amused. You paced back and forth, In the apartment building that you shared with most of your pack. “Scott fucking McCall” you claimed, through gritted teeth. “Do it” another spoke, biting into an apple. “No one is killing anyone” another stated rationally. “What did he even do?” someone asked. You stopped still for a second and actually thought about it, putting your anger aside. You thought about the past, you remembered everything that had faded from your memory, due to your hatred and hurt clouding your vision. Scott watched one of his closest friends change into a dark and manipulative Alpha. He knew you were just trying to protect and build a pack, but he knew that you were losing yourself along the way. You remember ignoring Stiles’ calls, skipping lunches with Lydia, pretending not to see Allison in the street and you remembered telling Scott that you never wanted to speak to him again. You remembered telling Stiles that you weren't interested in his dumb plans anymore, telling Lydia that you didn't care about her pointless guy stories, telling Allison that you needed time for yourself. You did push them away. You were hurting, but you were also hurting them. It was too late to apologise to Allison, to tell her that you needed her or to say goodbye- but it wasn't too late for the others. “Omg” you mumbled, at your sudden realisation. “What?” one of your member’s asked. “Excuse me” you simply replied, pushing past them and through the front door.

You stretched out your knuckles, as though you were going to knock on the door but then quickly moved your hand away again. You had been pacing back and forth outside of Scott’s house for about ten minutes. You just didn't quite know what you were going to say, or why you were even there. You then decided to live by the 5 second life rule, so you quickly knocked on the door and waited nervously for what was next. When you didn't receive a response, you figured it was late and he may have been asleep or with his pack. You placed your weight on the door to focus your hearing on his house, just to check if he was ignoring you. That was when the door swung open and you fell into his house. “Ouch” you mumbled. You looked, expecting to see Scott with a confused expression on his face, when you were met with nothing. Why would Scott leave his door unlocked? You stood up and brushed yourself off, before slowly walking around his house. You figured you might as well wait for him, considering you were already there and all. You reminisced, looking at the house that was once familiar to you. You stood in the doorframe of his kitchen, when you heard a heartbeat approach the front door. They stopped, before hesitantly pushing the door open. You were met by Scott, his eyes glowing red and his fangs retracted. You simply flicked the light switch on and smirked to yourself. “What the hell Y/n?” he asked in surprise, his face returning to normal. “Hey Scotty” you smiled, it was what you used to call him when you were younger. He looked at you hesitantly, not sure if you were plotting your revenge from your altercation earlier. “God Scott, don't look so on edge” you sighed. He threw his motorbike key on the side of the couch and took his jacket off. “What can I help you with?” he asked, uncertain. “I just wanted to say that I'm sorry” you said reluctantly, but honestly. Scott flashed a non-intentional smile, with a hint of smug creeping across his face. “I accept your apology” he simply returned. “What? Just like that?” you asked, not sure as to what the catch was. “Y/n, I’ve always been here for you and I always will. I was just waiting for you to finally realise that” he spoke softly, taking a step closer to you. You stood up, no longer leaning your weight against the doorframe. “I shouldn't have treated you all like shit, especially not you” you dropped your head. Scott delicately brought your head back up. “It’s okay to be hurt Y/n, but you need your friends. Lydia, Stiles-” he began to list off. “You” you finished for him, staring into his eyes. “Yeah-” he simply whispered, and with that he leant down and pressed his lips to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him tightly against you. You were now leaning back against the doorframe, as he deepened the kiss and hoisted you up. You were that lost in the moment, that neither of you heard the front door open. 

“Finally” Lydia accidently praised out loud, immediately covering her mouth afterwards. You and Scott slowly broke away, smiling at one another. You then both proceeded to turn to look at the full living room, both giving a small laugh of embarrassment. “That was hot” Malia approved. You looked at them all awkwardly, it was the first time in a while that you had been together with everyone like this. As much as you had neglected them, Lydia, Kira, Malia and Liam stood smiling at the thought of you being back where you belonged. You then glanced behind them, seeing Stiles with a straight look on his face. Your face dropped as he approached the two of you slowly. “We're having our weekly pack pizza party, would you be interested in joining us?” he asked with a genuine smile on his face. You relaxed and returned it, pulling him into a long awaited hug. “I’ll take that as a yes” he laughed brightly, issuing to Lydia who was about to order them. She didn't even have to ask for your order, it was as if you had never left them. Your friends then continued to start setting up the movie, drinks, blankets and snacks for you all. You walked over to Scott, with a sweet smile formed on your lips. He put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you close to him. “I missed this” you breathed. “We missed you” he replied, kissing you on your forehead. Although some of the members had changed, the friendship and love that kept you all together was still the same. You wanted to protect your pack, but it was time to put yourself first for once too. No more fighting, no more rivalry. It was time to focus on the new chapter in your life, which had a much brighter outcome. 

Requests are open loves x

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[fl0r4dical]

New you but goodbye too

i never really formally talked about you here but its okay because i think its over anyway.

Dear you,

there is really no doubt in my mind that i like you.. alot. while now im realizing that the feeling is not reciprocated but i just want to express how fluttery you made me feel. things that i like/liked about you? well where do i begin?

firstly, you are such a sweetheart, always carinf for the people around you and their feelings and what they need.

secondly, your work ethic. to be honest, it was really a major turn on that you were willing hustle between intern and working on the weekends (7 days of work week) just to make ends meet for yourself, i really found that massively attractive, that drive to work hard and all for yourself

thirdly, how you can be quite manja and actually kind of a whiny baby, lowkey i found that rlly cute

fourth, how you never ever rejected any task i assigned you even though you hated it, i really really respected that about you

and then around february was our peak i guess. you started replying to practically all my stories and im not going to deny that i posted more just so that i could have that little little conversations with you. and our study dates, i wont lie that i was productive cuz i was soooo frikin unproductive but that little time i could spend with you and the lepaking sessions after, how i wish i could relive it. all our mac dates also, i mean i honestly love macs but eatinf macs with you was always a whole other feeling. and when you surprise delivered mac to my house just because i complain that i was hungry, you waiting so damn long in queue just for me cuz im a hungry brat, honestly i thought that was it already, i thought that was a sign that you liked me back because what normal friend wld do that for their "friend"? seriously thats going waaaay out of your way to satisfy me and no guy has ever done that for me before. i thought it was it , we were gna be together already soon. but well i guess not.

after that it kind of went downhill? we talked less, we met up less, also the fact that you finished your intern report already so you did not need to meet up with me already. i felt kinda used at that point but its ok, i was fine with it. and then you stopped asking me out. it was more of me clinging on to you, and im not going to lie bcus no doubt i used quiffy so that you could be there too. i really just wanted you. even when you had both friends around, like that car ride, you totally ignored me and didnt even try to include me? and when we hanged with quiffy at the back when you were with your bros, once again you ignored me. you suck at balancing two grps of friends because you always ignore me. trying not to be petty but, i guess im not important enough in your life. and i tried to be honest, to be sweet and cringy to show you i had some affections for you, but well you really did not reciprocate it at all.

i tried and tried to cover my shame and embarrassment and just continue the convo just so i could still talk to you. i confided in you when i was feeling super emotional but to be honest i could tell that you did not give a rats ass. i tried but i guess im not what you were looking for. i would have treated you so well, give you all the space with your friends and showered you with love, but i guess you dont want that from me. i waited and waited, because maybe i liked you before you "did" so i had to give you time to be on the same level but yep nope, i really guess im just not it.

eventually, right now, i mustered the courage to tell myself that i am worth more than this. if you dont like me for me, if you dont find interest in me at all, then what can i do? feelings cant be forced and i have to accept that. we are not meant to be and i just have to accept that. im just sad because i keep thinking of what could have been and how im not crazy to have assumed you liked me, but i dont want to seem desperate for affection even though i admittedly am. but its okay. the right guy would prove to me that he likes me, not keep me in constant shadow. the right guy will eventually come along and i just have to be patient. i know i put up a very strong front and look as though im fine being independent and everything but it gets a little lonely sometimes. i was to grow with someone, achieve our goals together, but i guess that wont happen with you.

i thought you could have been the one yknow, but wel God has other plans for me so i just have to embrace it and move on. even though nothing happened, i went through 14 weeks of being unsure and insecure about myself so really that is enough. im better than this. i am ready to let you go, MFBF. thank you for giving me a slither of hope. but i guess thats over.

[chipsanddespair]

Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3